In to the Veil
by Raven Grimm
Summary: That terrible moment when Sirius disapeared into the veil, but how it could have ended. Sirius/Remus Remus' POV


Title: Harry Potter and the Missing Chapters - Into the Veil

Author: Raven Grimm

Fandom: Harry Potter - OotP

Paring/Characters: Remus/Sirius, Harry, others

Genre: Slash, hurt/comfort, character death,

Rating: PG-13?

Word Count: 2700

Summary: A different way the battle in the room with the black-veiled archway could have gone…

Into the Veil

Remus ducked in time to avoid a jet of red light that had flown, not from the Death Eater he and Kingsley were battling, but from Bellatrix who was duelling across the room with Sirius.

"Come on, you can do better than that!" Sirius yelled, laughing at Bellatrix, goading her.

Remus felt it, more than he heard or saw it, the second jet of light that hit Sirius squarely in the chest, and Sirius's eyes fell wide with disbelief.

Remus's whole body froze bitterly cold at the sight of Sirius's expression contorted into a look of both fear and surprise. Remus's hands were shaking, barely able to breathe as Sirius fell achingly slowly into the veil. It was almost as though time had slowed so that Remus could whiteness ever horrible detail, too far from the dais as he was to get to Sirius in time, though he tried. His body felt heavy, sluggish and unresponsive, but even as he willed his legs to move faster, Sirius had vanished from sight. The veil momentarily rippled before falling still once more.

Bellatrix's triumphant cry cut through Remus like an icy knife, freezing his body further still. He felt pain and angry like he never had before, and was raising his wand at Belatrix when Harry yelled, "SIRIUS!" and sprinted towards the dais.

Remus grabbed him instinctively, fearing Harry would do something foolish, like trying to pull Sirius back from the veil and end up being drawn in as well.

"There's nothing you can do, Harry –" Remus chocked out, feeling the icy knife dig deeper, despair swelling around his heart as he stared at the veil, wishing blindly and stupidly that Sirius would step back through, unharmed and laughing that bark like laugh of his, but Remus knew he wouldn't – knew he couldn't.

"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"

"- It's too late, Harry." Remus felt numb.

"We can still reach him –" Harry was struggling furiously in Remus's grasp, but Remus couldn't risk letting him go.

"There's nothing you can do, Harry … nothing … he's gone," but even as he said it, Remus couldn't bear to believe it; it was just too horrible to comprehend.

"He hasn't gone!" Harry yelled, struggling even harder to free himself and rush blindly at the veil. "SIRIUS!" Harry yelled again and again.

"He can't come back, Harry," Remus said, biting back a sob that choked his words, and his insides turned at what he needed to say, but hated himself for even thinking it. "He can't come back, because he's d—"

"HE – IS – NOT – DEAD!" Harry bellowed. "SIRIUS!"

The sparks of light, the spells still flaring around them seemed utterly disconnected to Remus, meaningless. He felt hollow, staring still at the black veil, the last pained expression on Sirius's face imprinted on the insides of his eyes, each blink brought the image clearer, though the tears growing in his eyes were starting to cloud his vision.

Remus couldn't bear to look at it any longer; he dragged Harry back, away from the dais and became aware, distantly of what was going on around him. Dumbledore had grouped most of the remaining Death Eaters in the centre of the room, bound by invisible ropes. Moody was tending to Tonks, still unconscious, and sprawled across the lowest stone seats, and Kingsley was still in the fray, battling Bellatrix in Sirius's place.

Remus was vaguely aware of Neville at his feet saying Harry's name, but Remus's eyes were again dragged back to the veil, bitterly wishing to catch a glimpse of Sirius swimming behind it. His hold on Harry slackened, but he didn't risk letting him go, and listened as if from far off, to what Neville was saying.

"Harry … I'b really sorry …" he was saying, his voice distorted by a broken nose, his legs dancing about uncontrollably with Tarantallegra cast upon them. "Was dad man – was Sirius Black a – a friend of yours?" Remus's heart throbbed at those words and at the soft nod he felt Harry make. Sirius had been more than just a friend to Harry, he was his one chance at a loving family, a family excepting to the life of magic to which Harry always belonged. And to Remus; he was – _is_ – the one man; the one _person_, Remus has ever loved. The man that has been a part of him for so long, whom he had lost for thirteen years, only to get him back for little more than two before having him snatched away again so brutally. Remus chocked back another sob and dragged his eyes away from the veil and looked down at Neville and Harry.

"Here," he said, his voice cracked and hollow, and waving his wand he cast the counter spell, "Finite," and Neville's legs fell still. "Let's – let's find the others. Where are they, Neville?" Remus heard, in his own voice, the pain he was feeling so fierce, it was an effort even to speak.

"Dey're all back dere," Neville said. "A brain addached Ron bud I dink he's all righd – Herbione's ubconcious, bud we could feel a bulse –"

A loud bang and a yell cut across Neville's words and brought Remus back to the room and not the emptiness he was so despairingly tumbling into. Kingsley, on the other side of the dais, had fallen, yelling in pain and Bellatrix was already half way up the stone steps, and deflecting a spell cast by Dumbledore. Before Remus could react Harry was out of his grip.

"Harry – no!" Remus cried.

"SHE KILLED SIRIUS!" Harry bellowed and the words, so blunt and so true, hit Remus and made his attempt to drag Harry back, falter. "SHE KILLED HIM – I'LL KILL HER!" And then Harry was moving, tearing off after Bellatrix whose robes were already disappearing from sight.

Remus couldn't bring himself to chase after Harry, even thought he was putting himself in terrible danger in going after her. Remus had never wanted someone dead before, had never wanted revenge so badly, but right then the feeling was so unbearably strong in his chest, that he found himself unable to move, unwilling even to stop Harry from trying to kill the murderous cousin of his lover; his killer.

A moment later Harry was gone, and the faint ach to stop him, subsided.

Another reason held Remus, his eyes inexorably drawn back to that hideous black veil. He glared at it with contempt now, furious at it for stealing Sirius from him. And before he knew it, his feet were moving, and he was standing before it, staring into its depths. He was both praying to glimpse Sirius, and at the same time half expecting a deathly hand to reach out and drag him inside as well. He thinks the latter would be more preferable - what could he do with a glimpse of the man he loves? But if the veil took him as well, at least then he would - if not _be_ with Sirius - then at least he would no longer have to feel the pain of living without him…

Again anger flared, and this time it reminded him of just how close the next full moon was, and he swallowed down bitter tears knowing he would not be spending another night with Sirius.

Just then a stupid, desperate thought formed in Remus's mind, and regardless of how impossible, how ridiculous it sounded, a part of him felt determined that it would work...

He was only vaguely aware of the fight still waging around him as he stowed his wand into his robes – it would only get in the way. He placed one hand on the archway, palm and fingers digging into the uneven surface painfully, but he needed that for what he was about to attempt, needed that pain to keep himself anchored.

He closed his eyes tightly, obliterating the room with darkness, and didn't need to think very hard to feel the anger he needed to well up inside him, for the vicious, blood thirsty animal within to rear its head and howl for vengeance. The pain and desperation coursing through him was more than enough for Remus to actually _want_ to transform, in the same way - moments ago – he would have welcomed the emptiness of the veil; simply to stop himself having to feel. But now he needed the pain and the anger for an altogether different reason…

As soon as he felt his face contort, baring his teeth in the howl that threatened to tear him in two, he held out his arm, and without another thought as to what he was about to do, he pressed his fingertips into the veil…

The instant coldness that descended over Remus, made his chest constrict, and simply breathing was a trial. He felt unbearably numb as the veil pulled at him - as he imagined it would - trying to drag him inside as well.

But already, it was different to what he knew was supposed to happen; he was still alive – from what he could tell – he still had his mind…

He was still – distantly – aware of the room in which he stood, of noises and sparks of light or varying colours. The cold and emptiness was pulling at him though. He felt weak, the animalistic barrier he'd put in place, already crumbling.

Something brushed his hand.

His mind was alight again, not so much with the wolf, but with hope and he thrust his hand in deeper, right up to the elbow. The pull was great, dragging at his arm from all directions, trying to snatch Remus from the land of the living and into its icy depths.

He concentrated on Sirius, on moonlit nights spent roaming the Forbidden Forest with Padfoot and Prongs at his heels, remembered the sounds so distinct to the night, and the smells so fresh and cool. The memories floated hazily to the forefront of Remus's mind and helped to root his conciseness to the room. And with his hand squeezing harder on the archway, he delved deeper still, and there, he felt it again.

Remus snatched at the ghostly feel of fabric, managing to grasp just a little of it, but he had it! He felt it! And renewed hope blossomed in him as he pulled.

Too fast! Too soon! He hadn't acquired a strong enough grip and whatever it was, it slipped from his grasp.

A sob escaped Remus's lips - pain and anger at himself for his haste, stifling it.

In his desperation to grasp it again he plunged his arm right up to the shoulder into the veil. His mind swam on the edge of what felt like oblivion, almost welcoming to him and he squeezed his supporting hand, the flaring pain did its job and managed to bring him back.

Remus racked his mind, thinking back to one particular night spent beneath a waning full moon, lying curled beneath a towering tree, Padfoot's sleek, black body pressed tight against his own, that long, black muzzle resting nose to nose with his, and those silver eyes meeting his…

More than fabric brushed Remus's arm this time, and as his hand tightened around it, he realised it felt wide enough to be an arm!

Remus held tight, securing his grip. His heart was suddenly pounding - and after the numbing emptiness he'd felt - it was shocking, as though his heart was beating for the first time in his life.

He clutched tighter to the archway, knowing it must be drawing blood by now, but that didn't matter, all that mattered now was pulling, and praying…

Slowly, painfully, he pulled his arm back, feeling the mass in his grasp tug like a heavy weight, but unbelievably, incredibly, it moved with him and Remus allowed himself to hope more than ever...

It was hard, and Remus's bloodied hand was starting to slip, loose its grip on the archway and his knees were sliding dangerously close to touching the veil and Remus didn't think he'd have it in him to resist the pull on more than just his arm. But then, out of the world Remus was slowly drifting from, came hands that wrapped securely around his waist, and suddenly Remus was moving backward again, being _pulled_ backwards. He tightened his hold inside the veil, desperate not to loose his grip again.

Remus's elbow was visible now, sliding slowly, but steadily out of the veil.

"LUPIN! L-LET GO!" Kingsley's voice, so close to Remus's ear, made his heart leap and both hands to falter in their hold… Without thinking about anything but Sirius, Remus thrust his bloodied hand into the veil and snatched back the limb with both hands. His whole body jerked forward, feet sliding and his knees penetrated the veil.

Oblivion overcame Remus, utter and complete, his body numb beyond words. And for an instance nothing mattered, nothing existed… pain, anger, loss; all simply gone…

It felt like an age, but was really more like a second later when his head was alive again, cold filling his every cell. And suddenly aware, all those terrible, living feelings returning to him, and he squeezed – instinctively - his numb hands, but felt nothing.

There was noise, shouting, screaming, hands everywhere, and Remus's vision faded in and he realised it was _him_ screaming; _Remus_ shouting Sirius's name, unable to feel anything in his hands: his fingers so cold. His arms were moving rapidly out of the blackness now.

Silence fell all around him as Remus's hands appeared from out of the veil, and they were still clenched tightly around what was most definitely an arm.

Remus dropped to the floor and planted both feet on either side of the archway and pulled with everything he had left and the arm slid out. A head of shaggy black hair followed next.

Someone behind Remus gasped.

Shoulders appeared next … then chest … waist, he was breaking through much faster now and suddenly Sirius was on top of Remus and gasping for breath, shock and panic again in his wide grey eyes and his gasping mouth.

Remus's tearless, chocked sobs muffled the cries of surprise and happiness from those around him as he hugged Sirius tightly to his chest, his face buried in his lover's hair.

"R-Remus!" Sirius chocked out between coughs. "Moony?" he said and unimaginably: Sirius laughed. "Need to breathe, Moony," he said. And Remus, reluctantly, loosened his grip, but refused to let him go completely for fear of the veil snatching him back.

Remus laid his head back, exhausted, against the stone floor and looked up into Sirius's unbelievably beautiful face, eyes still wide in surprise, but his lips quirked into a smile.

"Bloody hell!" Kingsley said, the unfamiliar swear in his voice sounded oddly comical to Remus's ears, though he couldn't muster even a laugh, he felt so close to death, so weak. "How?" Kingsley asked and Sirius glanced up at him. Though Remus couldn't tear his eyes away from Sirius's face, even if he wanted to.

"Don't ask _me_," Sirius said and his eyes met Remus's again; Remus' filled once more with tears: he couldn't respond anymore than he could look away, his voice was sure to crack.

Moody cleared his throat loudly. "I think," he said, stonily, "we should give them a minute."

"What –" Kingsley started, but the dull clunk of Moody's false leg on the stone floor suggested he'd cut him off and ushered him away.

"Remus?" Sirius said after a moment spent just staring in to his eyes. "How did you - ?"

Remus shook his head, eyes scrunching tight and tears finally broke free from his eyes for the first time since this whole, horrible thing began.

Needing it more than he needed to breathe, and not caring who would see, Remus kissed Sirius, tears spilling down his cheeks. And it was so desperate that he was sure his lips would bruise, but he didn't care, all that mattered was that Sirius was back, that Sirius was alive!

~ The End ~


End file.
